Feeling home in the Unknown
Personal story about your Character living in the World. Belief in the Right and Wrong. Information about how things Should be.
All this creates feeling of stability.
Logical mind sorts everything, categorizes, measures, all based on past experiences. And it doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. If you're from Mars or you are from Venus LOL (here you have more logical categories and there more emotional). It's a real madness to categorize the world in such way and seriously rely on these categories.
If you take this activity seriously and say this is good and this is bad, and then you seriously take one of the selected sides (the right one of course, yeah?), then you need to give serious amount of effort to keep this position, protect it from opposite information. Or just ignore all the different information, anything that doesn't fit into the chosen concept. Good solution, right?
A bit of observation shows that this kind of stability is very impermanent. Sooner or later the world that is not fitting into the person's setup of categories from time to time seems to break into you and show what it is all about. What is the value of your absolute belief in anything. What is the value of dusty moral principles. How reliable are your ancient mindsets, goals, concepts, opinions and principles. What is the value of your "rich inner world".
In this case the trembling creator of this already contradictory creation will need to adapt, making it even more contradictory. He is lucky (or maybe unlucky?) if the turnover was minor and not complete. Couple of changed views here and there. Maybe throw out a friend or two out of inner circle of friends or close relatives, because they unknowingly brought all this chaos in. Put a badge "inadequate and untrustable" on them. The holes are stuffed, even though not the most reliable way, but you still can proceed living like before a bit more. Till the next iceberg hits the illusionary ship.
Although these beliefs in concepts give illusion of stability, obviousness and predictability, the "one" who is made of these beliefs, who seriously believes in them, will never be calm and content.
First of all because his/her own intuition is already shouting that there is something wrong in these concrete rigid views. They give a beginning to tensions in the body, instability in emotions, that the person will try to hide from others and especially from himself. The tension because the created model of the world doesn't fit the real world, no matter how much effort you put into it. Loss of sensitivity, more irritable, always in turmoil of thoughts, and blaming everyone around in these tensions (that are called problems).
Second, even though there is a complex fine tuning of the model of the world, the world itself will be showing itself from time to time, breaking through the beliefs and concepts. The belief in that only right solution, in that single correct and righteous opinion, the only valid values will inevitably start shaking, breaking down, create lots of anger, aggression, paranoia, alienation, worry, make the physical body to contract, which leads to diseases. From waking up till going to sleep the person spends the priceless energy to basically keep up person's unhappiness.
Take it off of yourself. Through away without even going into analysis what is good and what's not. All these opinions, judgements, religion games, protection of the important self, ugly construction of concepts that you received from the others, all together that can be called "rich inner world". To the garbage, directly from everyday experiencing and reexperiencing. Stop spending your life on useless actions so seriously. Now is the only real value that you have and that you are. What is your energy being spent on? Where is your awareness now? Which story? Which tension are you trying to solve by creating more tension? Which problem are you trying to solve by creating bigger problem?
Are you now feeling thrilled from the joy of simple sensation of this night city warm air breeze? Lights around, millions of subtle sounds create this magical paradise.
Or maybe you are in the illusionary fight in your thoughts? Do you absolutely need to check the messages on your phone? Do you really need to do something now? Maybe your model of the world silently agonizes to receive support from like minded people for reassurance? Do you really need to think about another aspect of life? Do you need to seriously blame others because they don't meet your expectations? Isn't it the hell you're creating, that exists in parallel to the paradise, right now?
It is truly so scary - to just leave all judgements, concepts and opinions. It is like become helpless again. It feels like everyone around is wearing armored clothes and you are naked.
If it suddenly happens, you immediately and automatically try to cover your innocence and with a piece of some concept.
It is like being in the process of hatching out of a safe shell of an egg, where you've been whole your life. Like making tremendous effort, raise your head and look around. Feel absolutely amazed and wordless from how different the real world is from the fake one where you've lived so many years. Again tremendous effort and first step! Step after step you start feeling yourself like home in this Unknown World. Warm and gentle. Deep and boundless. Not like anything you've known before. Well, it may remind your own childhood a bit.
Feel and sense how the world is shining with millions of colors. See how much beauty is there. Smile from awareness that whole your life you've been stuck and watching only a few of these.
Relaxation into this understanding and merging of a sail of awareness with the wind of life, you can feel beauty of the acknowledgment that you are both at the same time.
Undefinable, Unknown, Inexpressible - you are not just feeling there like in your own Home. You are the Unknown, the Unfathomable, the Inexpressible. You are the Home. In this very moment.